Rejection 101

N-O

Probably the most painful one syllable word to hear…

Let’s face it. NO one likes hearing NO. When there’s something you really, really want in life (whether it’s love, a job, or a raise), the last thing you want to hear is “no.” Regardless of how much we may be averse to hearing “no,” we still hear it all the time. 

Rejection is a huge part of life.

Just as feeling rejected in middle school felt crappy, getting rejected from a job brings an equally unpleasant sensation. As humans, we all crave acceptance in all aspects of our life. Acceptance helps us feel like we belong and matter—and, simply, it makes us feel liked and wanted. Rejection, on the other hand, hurts. It makes us feel unwanted and inadequate. These feelings can be really painful and shake the inner core of our confidence.

The reality is…rejection is not going anywhere. So, how can we better prepare ourselves for dealing with it in the workplace?

Don’t Take It Personally: Your self-worth and value is not measured by your ration of rejections to acceptances. When you’re rejected from a job, it’s easy to wonder…”what’s wrong with me?” or “what did I do wrong?” STOP yourself! These questions are futile. While it’s possible that there’s something you “did” to bring about rejection, it’s likely that you had no control. The fact that someone told you “no” doesn’t mean that you are no good. In fact, you are just as amazing and fabulous as you were before the “no.” Don’t ever forget that…

Understand The Odds: When we play the lottery and lose, do we feel rejected? No. Of course, we feel disappointed, but we don’t feel rejected. Well, applying for jobs and getting rejected is a lot like playing the lottery. Sometimes, the odds are just against you. Various factors play into the employer’s decision. It’s important to understand your odds. Just like you know that your 1 in 175,000,000 chance of winning the Mega Millions Jackpot, you should know your odds when applying for a job. One particular job I applied for (and got rejected from) had one opening and received 400 applications. You do the math.

Know What You Can Control: There’s something called “sphere of influence” vs. “sphere of concern.” Your sphere of influence is where you have control. While the aspects of your life in the sphere of concern are important, you possess little to no control over them. If you look at the job search process as it relates to your locus of control, it helps put your anguish over rejection into perspective. Sometimes, you just have to relinquish control and accept the burn of some “no’s” before you get that one amazing “yes.”

Check out this Ted Talk on Understanding Your Sphere of Influence:

Rejection Means You’re Doing Something Right: If you’re not hearing “no” often enough, you’re doing something wrong or you’re just not applying to many jobs. It’s absolutely normal to be told “no.” Embrace it, and learn from the experience. There may be tangible factors that led to your rejection that lie within your sphere of influence. Don’t be afraid to ask an employer what factored into their decision not to hire you. Be prepared to potentially not enjoy what you hear, but, when you hear it, reflect on it, and determine how to use that information to move forward in a positive direction.

Remember You’re Not Alone: If none of my words give you any solace as you deal with your own rejections, the fact that you’re not alone in your rejection has to help…We all go through it. Even the people who seem like they are super successful and have it all together have been rejected once, twice, or 30 times. If you focus on your strengths, learn from your mistakes, and keep your head held high, you’ll soon find someone like Uncle Sam offering you a job.

Further Rejection Reading: 

Check out this article from The Chronicle of Higher Education 

Monster.com provides 6 ways to get over job search rejection: Read the full article for more in-depth advice

• Process Your Emotions
• Exercise
• Regain Perspective
• Volunteer
• Work Your Network
• Consult an Expert

Make Me A Match

For the past three weeks, I have been interviewing like it’s my job (to land a job) in high-energy, high-stress, and high-occupancy rooms like this…To say the least, it’s been intense. But, the over 30 interviews I’ve participated in have made me seriously think…how much can I actually tell about an institution, a place, a coworker from a 20-60 minute interview time slot in a convention center? Am I really supposed to have “that feeling” that tells me this is the right fit?

 

For those looking to enter the field of higher education & student affairs like me, the phrase Institutional Fit is thrown around left and right, but what does it really mean?

There are the more concreate aspects of institutional fit that influence whether or not an institution or organization is a fit for you:

• Location, Location, Location: Are you looking for big city living or a more rural atmosphere? 

• Size of Student Population: This is pretty obvious, but are you looking for a more intimate, small student population where everyone knows your name, or are you looking for a larger population where you may not necessarily see the same person twice?

• Highest Degree Granted: Is it important for your institution to have a more liberal arts focus? Or, do you value higher degrees of learning through doctoral programs?

• Distribution of Effort (Teaching, Research, Service): Ask yourself, which aspects of higher education do you value most? Is it more important for you to work at an institution that places most of its resources on teaching, service, or research? 

• Religious Affiliation: Are you open to a religiously affiliated institution, or is that a deal breaker? What role does the institution’s religious affiliation play in the everyday workings of the school?

• Admissions Requirements: Do you see yourself at a highly competitive or open admissions institution, or somewhere in between the two?

*Above information adapted from the University of Kentucky’s Institutional Fit Rubric

Then, there are the less tangible aspects of institutional fit:

• Campus Culture: Is there a strong sense of tradition and community on campus? Are students engaged in extra curricular activities, or is it primarily a commuter campus?

• The People/Work Environment: Are you looking to be friends with those in your office? Does the office operate with a culture of collaboration or autonomy?

• Values/Mission: Do you personally align with the mission and core values of the institution?

Finally, there’s that feeling that touches your core and affirms that this institution or organization is the right place for you. For me, it’s important to listen to those feelings. A job may have everything on paper, but you may lack that feeling.

 

As I dove straight into the job search over the past few weeks, I’ve been learning to take the process one step at a time.

Try looking at interviewing like dating…

 

That first 20-30 minute interview is a first date, where you’re really just trying to get to know each other.

The second round interview is dinner and a movie. Both parties already feel like there might be something there, but it’s just a way to get to a deeper level.

The on-campus interview = the ultimate goal. At this stage, it’s time to meet the family in order to determine whether or not you can really see yourself fitting in…

 

If we look at interviewing as dating, it’s more natural to make “fit” and compatibility a priority in the process. I don’t know about you, but I don’t date someone that I don’t want to spend lots of time with or genuinely feel comfortable around. So, why would I work at an institution that I don’t want to spend time at or feel comfortable with?

…I don’t.

Sometimes, you can get that gut “feeling” during the first or second interview, but other times, it takes meeting the parents and getting at the true culture and environment at the institution that helps you make that big decision.

The best part about dating, interviewing, and the job search is that you’re not jumping straight into marriage. If things aren’t quite what they seem and it doesn’t work out, you can start looking for another job…or date…